


Misery

by Storm (Stormyskies97)



Category: Marvel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 17:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17451515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormyskies97/pseuds/Storm
Summary: Steve’s haunted by the memory of losing her. He’s sunken so low that his hair is permanently bed head. He can’t function properly without. So when he hears the news he clings to hope that she can be saved





	1. Chapter 1

_ “Steve!” Her scream was the last thing he heard as her grip slipped on the ledge she was grasping to for dear life.  _

 

Steve awoke in a cold sweat clutching at his chest as it heaved up and down. He ran a hand over his face trying to wipe the dream from his mind. He didn’t need the constant reminder of when and how he lost her. He already beat himself up over it, he couldn’t take the constant dream reminding him of how late he had been to save her. 

 

A soft tap against the door and Steve looked up to see Pepper standing in the doorway holding a tray of food. “You need to eat.” She said as she walked in, setting the tray next to him on his nightstand. 

 

“I’m not-”

 

“Not hungry. I know and I don’t care. It’s been three days Steve. You’re going to eat something or I’m gonna have Tony hook you up to a feeding tube and force feed you.” 

 

Steve grimaced at the thought but took a piece of toast from the tray. “Thank you.” He muttered as he slowly bit into it. 

 

“Look, I know losing someone, no matter how, is hard. I’m not saying you have to come back to reality any time soon but, I would like for you to start taking care of yourself. She’d want you to do that.” 

 

Steve quickly glanced up at Pepper before staring down at his hands. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I know. I just… I just can’t bring myself to do anything.” 

 

Pepper placed a soft, gentle hand in his arm. “It’s okay. You’ll heal over time, but you gotta shower, change your clothes, and eat. Maybe working out will help.” She gave him a gentle smile before leaving the room. 

 

Steve let out the breath he had been holding as well as the tears. He set the half eaten piece of toast back on the tray and laid down pulling the blanket over his head letting the son’s rack through his body. 

 

He wasn’t sure what time it was but when he woke up he could hear the hushed voices down the hall and more lights lighting up the compound. 

 

_ Must be night time _ . He thought as he slide out of bed. Shuffling to the bathroom he splashed some water on his face before glancing in the mirror. Dark bags under his eyes, his scruff wassay past a five o’clock shadow, and his hair was so greasy it styled itself into permanent bed head. 

 

With a dejected sigh he started the shower and stripped out of the clothes that now clung to his body. Stepping into the shower he let the hot water run over him in an attempt to wash away the dirt, the self-loathing, the pain, the hatred he felt towards himself for letting her slip like that. He punched the shower wall causing a dent to form around his fist. 

 

“I’m such a failure. I’m so sorry {Y/N}.” He sobbed, turning the shower up to a higher heat letting it burn his back.

 

He rested his forehead against the shower wall before going through the motions of showering before stepping out. Gripping the edges of the sink he stared at himself once more. Before he knew it the sink was slowly breaking and crumbling onto the floor. He took a few steps back wiping his hands on the towel that was wrapped around his waist. 

 

Shaking his head and letting out a deep breath he walked into his room and began digging through his drawers for something to wear. His hand froze over a cotton tee. He slowly held it up and stared at it. The last shirt she had given him. He shoved it angrily into the back of the drawer and grabbed another tee. Once he was satisfied with his outfit he slowly left his room and headed towards the kitchen. 

 

“So he is alive!” Tony jokes as Steve entered the dining room. 

 

Pepper smacked Tony’s chest with the back of her hand before walking over to Steve. “Are you hungry?” She asked. 

 

“No. I didn’t eat the food you brought earlier.” 

 

“That’s ok.” She smiled and held out a bottle of water. 

 

“Thanks.” Steve mumbled as he took the bottle from her. 

 

“I like the beard you’re sporting Rogers.” Thor smiled as he motioned to the scruff. 

 

“Umm, thanks.” Steve mumbled as he sat at the table. 

 

Everyone was suspiciously quiet, as if they didn’t want to say the wrong thing. 

 

“Tell him.” Pepper whispered and she elbowed Tony in the side. 

 

“Tell who what?” Steve asked glancing between the two of them. 

 

“We found {Y/N}.” Bruce announced when no one wanted to say anything. 

 

“Where is she?” Steve asked standing up. 

 

“The Atlantic Ocean. I’ve got a team of divers already there bringing her back.” Tony added. 

 

“Is she.. can we save her?” Steve asked clinging to a small percentage of hope that she was still alive. 

 

“We won’t know anything until she get here.” 

 

“We have to be there. She..” 

 

“Steve, it’ll be ok. We can’t do anything until they retrieve her. We’ll wait here until they get her. T’challa has already said he’ll take her in and do what he can.” Pepper said placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Then we got to Wakanda. I  _ have  _ to be there.” 

 

“And you will be. Until then, we wait till we hear back from the divers.” 


	2. Relief

The divers weren’t fast enough. Steve was already loading up the jet with {Y/N}’s favorite blanket, pillow, and stuffed animal as well as clothes and books. He made sure he wasn’t missing anything before he herded everyone else into the jet. 

 

“Let’s go Stark! We’re wasting time!” Steve yelled as he clapped his hands together. 

 

No one argued, no one said a thing. Natasha’s fired up the jet and took off. 

 

The entire flight Steve would pester Tony for an update on the divers, receiving the same “we’re waiting.” Response. Once they landed in Wakanda T’challa made sure they were sitting in a comfortable room and had access to anything they needed while they waited. 

 

Three hours felt like an eternity for Steve. He spent the majority of the time pacing the room before Bucky and Thor forced him to sit in a chair. In wasn’t before long when a somber faced Shuri walked through the doors. 

 

Everyone stood at attention except Steve. He knew that look, he had grown to despise that look. 

 

“The five team managed to recover her, frozen but alive. She’s unthawing now but I can’t guarantee anything.” 

 

“What are her chances?” Steve asked staring at the floor. 

 

“Fifty, fifty. I won’t know much more until she’s completely unthawed.” 

 

Steve nodded his head and stood. “Thank you.” He left the room and everyone else in it behind. 

 

He refused to sit there while the woman he loved —granted he hadn’t told her — lay frozen on some table in a foreign place. He snuck into the lab, sticking to the shadows as he watched each tech meticulously thawing out each of her limbs keeping the exposed skin warm. He wanted to help, he wanted so badly to hold her hand as they thawed the ice around her. 

 

“Mr. Rogers, you are allowed to go down there and help.” Shuri said coming to a stand at his side. 

 

“Am I? What if she doesn’t come too?” The fear in his voice mimicked the fear in his eyes. 

 

“You are. We have the best technology here to help her in whatever state she may be in.” Shirt reassured him as she shoved him towards the stairs. 

 

“What can I do?” He asked glancing over his shoulder at her. 

 

Shuri smiled and began listing off every way Steve could help. It took them two hours to get all the ice completely off and get her body temperature regulated. Steve never left her side, helping every chance he could get. Once they had a new set of clothes on her they ran every test they could think of as well as monitoring her. 

 

“I’m going to let the others in before I tell you the test results.” Shuri said placing a gentle hand on Steve’s shoulder. 

 

He nodded his head in response but didn’t make any movement of leaving {Y/N}’s side or letting go of her hand. 

 

Once everyone had filtered in and around where Steve had mounted himself at her side did Shuri clear her throat. 

 

“She’s going to be fine. All her tears have come back clear. Her vitals are weak but getting stronger, I don’t think she’ll have any permanent damage. Although, did she have a boyfriend?” 

 

The room grew silent. So silent you could hear the hum of the machines without any other disruptions. 

 

“No. As far as we knew she was single.” Tony piped up when no one else had. 

 

“Well, there was that one night. We all were drunk.” Bucky started looking to Steve who’s back tensed at the realization. 

 

“There’s no way.” He said turning to look at Shuri. 

 

“Well, there is a way apparently.” 

 

Everything else was a quiet hum as Steve sank back down onto his chair. Trying to put everything together in his mind. None of it made sense. 

 

“Steve? Are you ok?” Bucky asked placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder bringing him back to reality. 

 

“Yeah.. no… I don’t know.” Steve muttered staring down at the girl who made his head beat out of rhythm, who made him want to quit being Captain America and live out the remainder of his days with her, wrapped in his arms laughing at his terrible jokes. 

 

“Just breath pal.” Bucky reminded. 

 

“Yeah. Easier said than done.” Steve retorted placing a soft kiss against her fingers. 

 

He had absolutely no idea how he was going to process everything. All he wanted was for her to wake up and smile that dazzling smile at him even if it was after or before smacking the daylights out of him. 


End file.
